Day twenty-six

Images: I close my eyes for 10 seconds then type what I see.

Dragonflies dancing on water. Hovering then fluttering away.

Sun rises, bright pink and purple hues. A cloud collides into a mountain then embraces it.

The first rain drop to hit a pond rippling, followed by a million flurry of others.

The base of a waterfall, the loud crash of water against rock. How violent and peaceful.

A cool October breeze rustling leaves, twirling around in a cyclone.

Waves and waves of 0grass swayed by the wind.

Car crash, the smell of burnt rubber, oil and engine fluid. The steam slowly rising off the hood.

Your hair blown by the wind on top of the 178 step lighthouse.

The world from the top down. Seagulls circling inland, the sound of the ocean in the parking lot.

Violins and Cellos playing by themselves in a circle in the air, rocking back and forth.

Air swirling orchids and petals into a funnel cloud. Twilight colors

Baked bread and honey. A child's wide eyes an old baker's wide smile.

Chocolate elephant sculptures.

The horse head nebula, a thousand galaxies, a billion stars.

You sleeping, the sound of your quiet breath, your peaceful face.

15:15

Day twenty-five

Waving Girl

Handkerchief by day lantern by night

you stood watch at the mouth

of the Savannah river. Day after

day, night after night, nothing

deterred you for 44 long years.
Winter, spring, summer, autumn

would whirl around as you waved

and waved. Did your arms ever

grow weary? Your statue stands

like a sentry. At night when the world

is still, a hushed whisper floats

through the air, the sound of

fabric against wind and the ships

still greet you. Were you waiting

for a sailor lost at sea? Waiting

for a certain ship to return?

Why did you wait so long,

when so many others would

have given up?

16:34

Day twenty-four

Personal

My girlfriend broke up with me a few days

ago. I think it was for the best. She didn't love

me. I wonder how long she actually knew. I wish

her the best. It's exactly like the song, "Breakeven"

from The Script: "Her best days will be some of my

worst / She finally met a man that's gonna put her

first / While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping /

'cause when the heart breaks no it don't break even."

Sometimes my mind is preoccupied with notions

of what could have been. Such a strange phrase.

I've turned back to focus on writing. I bought

this book, Write: 10 Days to Overcome Writer's Block. Period.

by Karen E. Peterson. She has a Ph.D. in psychology

and a a couple degrees in English. In her book she says:

"If you are a writer at heart, you need to express yourself

to feel fully alive. If you don't write, then something might

go unsaid--and you'll remain hidden". I haven't read

all of the book, but it seems promising. I'm thinking

about returning to the motherland. My uncle has

generously offered to find me employment. Right

now I'm not very happy with my employment

situation. There's nothing left to be said for today.

15:27

Day twenty-three

Preposition

Under the canopy of stars

amid the Nebulae hides a place

beyond all things human. Heaven's

across space a million light years away.

Between all this space lay prayers crawling

through aether traveling to meet the ears of God.

Over the bright gas giants, the flecks of space dust,

towards the bright light's source. Both space and time fold

inside each other. Prayers flutter through this void and fall

against the quiet darkness. Until, like a flash of lightning they're heard.

16:55

Day twenty-two

I want to capture the feelings, hold them

in my hands. Squeeze them tightly and watch

them crumble. I want to feel again. I'm numb.

Not sure what to do anymore. Panicked. I'm angry,

hurt, bits of happiness cut through the canopy

like strips of light passing through leaves. There

is still a storm on the horizon. Looming with uncertainty.

I wish you the best, but I can't bear to tell you-

to tell you that I want you to be happy. I want you

to find someone you can ultimately connect with

on a level higher than our own. When you asked

if you wanted to be best friends I wanted to say yes

but I was afraid. That I would get hurt again, that I

would do something crazy, like smash the next

guy you date into a wall with my car. I'm not violent,

but there's always the possibility. There's always

the possibility that ten years from now you

and I will pass each other. There would be an awkward

moment pass between us. The slight shift as we

recognize each other then, something I fear most,

there will be silence. And we will pass each other

to unknown destinations. Regret, regret, regret,

slammed into my chest like balled up fist. Rationally

I know this wasn't my fault, that we weren't meant

for each other. But I am irrational. In a frenzied state

of hurt and confusion. Did I really do my best? Did

I frustrate you too much? Did you just need some space?

These questions will never be answered. They will be written

down, balled up and tossed into a fire- a sad sacrifice

to the god of endings and break-ups. But the god

of new beginnings will lay its hand on my shoulder

and smile. I'm done.

16:14

Day twenty-one

The End Cliche

My heart is broken,

crushed, shaken, shattered,

stirred, smashed, or any

other amount of things

that's done to ice. I am ice,

cold and fragile. Melting

with each second of exposure.

I am Novocaine numb. I've failed

to keep you. Held too tightly,

suffocating. Pain is no longer

an option. I hate you, I love you

I wish I could change you,

but the problem is that I still

feel for you. I imagine that today

was just a bad dream. Tomorrow

you will call me and I'll come

over. We will be happy. This

is just a delirious dream,

a quiet delusion. I want to forget

you. I want you to pretend

that I never existed. I

was not good enough

for you. I gave everything I had

but it was not enough. The heart

makes all decisions final like a signature

on a contract that's never broken.

Our relationship was a movie,

and finally the cursive words

fly across the screen, signifying

the end. The end. The End.

15:00

Day twenty

Goodbye

I am on top of a granite

mountain. My back against

the wind, I slowly wave my

right hand. My farewell

to you. I love you, but,

always the but, you

don't love me. There

shows no signs on your face

no quiver of the lip,

no tears. It's not fair

for me to keep you in

a jar like a lightning

bug. Your glow will die

in the morning and I

will be filled with regret.

I don't want to hurt you

if I touch you, you may

fall apart like petals off

an orchid. I want to dive

off this mountain, fling

myself into the abyss

below, but I'm a coward

and afraid of heights. I

want you to hold my hand

just as you did in the beginning-

to share the excitement

of something new again.

I wonder what you will do

if we will ever meet again

in this life or the next,

if we will be two passing

strangers on a city street.

Goodbye, love.

17:18